Monthly Archives: December 2005

Getting Out of Iraq

The following article from Slate Magazine looks at three published suggestions about how to slog out of the Iraq quagmire. Yes, I think it’s fair to now call it a “quagmire”. I agree with Kaplan that my ’04 candidate, Gen. Wes Clark, seemed to be a bit muddled in his weekend op-ed piece. I really have not had a chance to closely review the other two plans discussed. I have previously suggested my own plan which I’ll expand on at this time.

I would bargain with the Arab League to send troops to Iraq to provide peacekeeping and security in the Baghdad and Sunni Triangle area. One of the things that’s important to know is that there are far more than religious differences between the Kurds, the Sunni and the Shia. One of the differences is that the Sunni tend to be Arab while the Shiites in the south tend to be Persian, as are the Shia in Iran. Kurds are both ethnically and religiously different from both the Sunni and Shia. Arab League troops would put the Sunni insurgents in the position of not only fighting Islamic troops, but also fighting ethnically similar Arabs from other nations. So far, the Arab League has refused — understandably — to bail out the Bush administration by providing any troops. So, how to get this done? I propose that we bribe them. Yes, bribe them. Arabs are by culture mercantile and very very canny at it. They understand “the deal”. So, let’s make them an offer they can’t refuse. Let’s offer to spend billions, literally, in Palestine for the building of infrastructure for the new Palestinian state. We will publicly offer to build roads, bridges, sewage treatment plants, schools, hospitals, libraries and museums in the West Bank and Gaza in exchange for Arab League troops acting as peacekeepers in an Arab minority area of Iraq. What would it look like if those Arab countries refused? After all these years of trumpeting their approval and support for the Palestinians? They couldn’t refuse. They might bargain about how much we spend and on what and where, but, essentially, we’d have them trapped by their own rhetoric. We would also get a “two-fer” — our troops released from the most difficult area of Iraq AND we could coordinate with the Israeli peace process and actually help reduce terrorism by giving Palestinians jobs and increasing their standard of living and getting Palestinian youths off the stone throwing streets and into jobs where they become entrepeneurial and have a paycheck and something to do besides fight. We’d also build enduring monuments to American respect for Muslims and Palestinians and peace.

Kurdish militia should be sent to the south of Iraq for the purpose of securing the border with Iran. Kurds have been fighting the Persian Shia for, oh, 15,000 years or so and have a stake in keeping the theocracy of Iran from interfering in Iraqi politics. They will do a much better job than American and British troops.

U.N. peacekeepers should be sent to the three areas of Kurdish control (I’m thinking of Mosul, here) that are trouble spots between the Kurds and the Sunnis. It’s something the U.N. can actually do, as they have done in Cyprus, for example.

American troops should provide border patrol along the Jordanian border since the U.S. retains good relations with Jordan’s monarchy.

NO MORE AMERICAN CONTRACTORS, ESPECIALLY HALLIBURTON. Reconstruction should be Iraqi, paid for by Iraqi oil purchasing goods, principally American at bargain prices subsidized by taxpayer dollars here at home. It is the Iraqi economy we must build, not our own.

American troops should be strike force troops held in reserve in remote areas, highly mobile and charged with entering into battles only when absolutely necessary to preserve the general civil order of the country — in other words, to stop the beginnings of civil war while the Iraqi Parliament establishes itself and becomes self governing in a practical and not just “on paper” sense.

Shi’ite militia should be charged with the Syrian border. Again, you have the Shia Persians with good reason to stop the Arab influences of Syrian Arabs.

Iraqi troops should be transported immediately upon enlistment to South America for training by the U.S. trained militaries there and indoctrinated fully before being returned to the Middle East. We’ve spent zillions on training the military in South America and they especially know how to keep populations under control — can you say “death squads” boys and girls? Sure you can.

We can’t change the eons old ethnic struggles of Iraq, but we CAN use those tensions to get the stability we want. In addition, capitalism works, as we well know, and we can use our money in ways that make sense. I’m willing to spend lots of money in order to save American lives. I also have the abiding belief that if we settle down the “Palestinian question”, we have cut the legs out from under all the other terrorist cells and Islamo-fascist movements.

Oh, one last thing: I’d trade some Afghan mujahadeen troops for Iraqi troops, sending Iraqis to Afghanistan to help fight the Taliban and Afghans to Iraq to stop the insurgents. Another “two-fer”.

Anyway, here’s Fred Kaplan’s take on getting out.

How To Withdraw
Three plans for leaving Iraq: Which is best?

    By Fred Kaplan
    Posted Thursday, Dec. 8, 2005, at 6:37 PM ET

Now that some sort of troop withdrawal from Iraq seems in the cards, it’s time to focus on questions of strategy and tactics: How many U.S. troops will leave Iraq and how quickly? Which troops will stay and for how long? What will they do? Where do the departing troops go? How do we pull out without triggering civil war or appearing to surrender?

If President George W. Bush has answers, he’s not saying. It takes a close parsing of his recent “strategy for victory” speeches—supplemented by the more explicit remarks of his secretary of state and others—to realize that they imply the start of a pullout soon after the New Year.

It’s regrettable that Rep. John Murtha, who pushed the withdrawal option to the political center, made his move before Iraq’s Dec. 15 elections. A U.S. pullout would be far more palatable—politically, strategically, and morally—if it at least appeared to come at the request of the new, democratically chosen Iraqi government. The Bush administration may even have been leaning toward that scenario before Murtha spoke up.

But now the issue is out there. So, how do we do it? Withdrawal plans are wafting through the journals and op-ed pages. Let’s look at a few.

Retired Gen. Wesley Clark, who submitted a surprisingly impractical plan for winning (or at least not losing too badly) to the Washington Post this past September, wrote another odd piece for the Dec. 6 New York Times. Clark should know this territory; he led troops in Vietnam, commanded the war over Kosovo, and helped negotiate the peace in Bosnia. Yet his latest piece seems like something scribbled over breakfast.

On the one hand, Clark calls for deploying 20,000 U.S. troops to provide “training, supervision, and backup” along Iraq’s borders, as well as 30,000 troops to step up operations against insurgents. Yet he also recommends drawing down 30,000 troops after Iraq’s elections. Which is it—more troops, fewer troops, both?

His math is merely confusing; his politics are head-spinning. The Iraqi government, he writes, “must begin to enforce the ban on armed militias.” Ideally, he adds, this should be done voluntarily, but “American muscle will have to be made available as a last resort.” Is Clark really proposing that, beyond the already exhausting tasks of securing cities and fighting insurgents, U.S. troops should start battling and disarming the Kurdish peshmerga and Muqtada al-Sadr’s army?

“And,” Clark goes on, “we must start using America’s diplomatic strength with Syria and Iran” to get those two countries to stop interfering in Iraqi affairs. OK. Any suggestions how? Clark seems to think we still control what happens in and around Iraq, when the most basic, unnerving fact about the present phase of our occupation is that we control so very little.

For this reason, the two most thoughtful and persuasive essays on the Iraqi endgame are also the least ambitious and reassuring: James Fallows’ article in the December issue of the Atlantic and Barry Posen’s plan for an exit strategy in the forthcoming January/February Boston Review.

Fallows explains all too clearly why the Iraqi security forces aren’t up to the task of defending or stabilizing the country by themselves and why they won’t be for a long time. But rather than leaving his article as a thoroughly researched piece of journalism, he takes a step out on the plank and asks what we should do about it.

“What is needed for an honorable departure,” he writes, “is, at minimum, a country that will not go to war with itself, and citizens who will not turn to large-scale murder.” If we can manage that goal, he states, we can leave in good conscience, regardless of what might happen a few years down the road.

However, he recognizes that even this goal may be beyond our resolve and resources. It requires a “national army strong enough to deter militias … and loyal enough to the new Iraq to resist becoming the tool of any faction.” It also requires policemen who are “sufficiently competent, brave, and honest to keep civilians safe.”

This can be done, even as we withdraw combat troops, but only if we step up training—building more facilities, recruiting more translators, and changing our military culture so that the trainer of an Iraqi battalion gets more rewards than the commander of an American battalion—and only if we maintain an active presence of U.S. air, logistical, medical, intelligence, and communications forces, and do so “for years.”

Fallows’ capper: The U.S. government should either do all this or “face the stark fact that it has no orderly way out of Iraq.” This is the fallacy of Bush’s “stay the course” policy: It leads nowhere. Fallows insists that we either make the commitment—which doesn’t require ground troops but does require patience, money, and imagination—or pack it in; anything else is a waste.

Barry Posen, a military historian in MIT’s security studies program, goes further than Fallows in some ways and not as far in others. The present course of open-ended occupation, he argues, “infantilizes” Iraqi politics. As long as everyone thinks our troops will stick around, the Iraqi army will never grow up, the Kurds will continue to flirt with secession, the Sunnis will blame their diminished power on our occupation (not on their minority status), and the majority Shiites will rule without seeing a need to make compromises. Only after we start to leave will Iraq’s army take its responsibilities seriously, and only then will the sectarian factions realize the limits of their power and seek reconciliation.

Posen’s five-point plan:

First, make clear we’re withdrawing most U.S. forces within 18 months. Use the time to train and organize an army and police force capable of internal security.

Second, retain—for a longer period—a small contingent of special operations forces to advise the Iraqi army and help with command, control, and intelligence.

Third, maintain an “over-the-horizon” force in the region to deter and defend against an invasion of Iraq’s borders.

Fourth, let everyone know of the continuing U.S. interest in the Persian Gulf and Iraq’s territorial integrity. Don’t just try to persuade Iran and Syria to help out on this score; offer them inducements. For instance, drop the rhetoric about “regime change” and “spreading democracy” in exchange for their cooperation on a stable Iraq.

Fifth, aim for a stalemate in Iraq’s ongoing sectarian conflict, with the ultimate hope of inducing a loose federation—each faction essentially governing itself—within a central government that does little more than divvy up oil revenue.

I’m a bit leery of this last point. Posen has said, in a radio interview and in e-mail correspondence with me, that, once we leave, Iraq’s factions—Shiites, Sunnis, and Kurds—will need to take a true measure of their relative power. This will almost certainly involve some fighting, perhaps even civil war, but he sees this process as a precondition to an enduring political settlement.

He may be right, but civil wars—especially those inflamed by religious rivalry—tend to rage well beyond rational limits. Millions of people could die, in which case little comfort should be derived from a calculation that the combatants will strike some balance of power in the long run.

I emerge from this debate somewhat torn. I agree with Posen’s case for a timed withdrawal. Fallows’ proposal for an open-ended commitment is, by his own admission, unlikely to be followed, and I don’t accept—maybe I don’t want to accept—his notion that the only alternative is sheer chaos. Posen spells out a plan to keep internal turmoil from spilling out into regional warfare, but I think more should be done to dampen the internal conflict as well. A civil war, fought to a stalemate, is not an acceptable outcome, nor do I see how the neighboring powers can be kept out of the fray once it ignites.

One thing is clear: The serious withdrawal plans are not “cut-and-run” jobs. They’re designed, on their own, to promote security and stability. None of them—not even Murtha’s—call for a total U.S. pullout. This isn’t a point in the debate, and the White House shouldn’t be allowed to get away with pretending that it is.

Fred Kaplan writes the “War Stories” column for Slate. He can be reached at [email protected].

Vote Tuesday on 911 Cell Calls

I pass on this email from Marcy about Tuesday’s vote on cell phone 911 calls even though I know not one thing about it.

Hi Friends, there’s a vote on Tuesday to give 911 Operators access to cell phone locations.

I have a very good friend who has been a 911 Operator for over 20 years and I asked her if I should vote yes for this bill. It is her opinion that this is NOT a good idea.

The job of a 911 Operator is intense at best. They field hundreds of calls every day and many of them are erroneous or repetitious and more of them are simply unnecessary. Example, when a car accident happens they receive a cell phone call from everyone who passes by. They receive an abundance of cellular phone calls daily. What this bill would do is simply make this 911 Operator have to call the cellular server to locate the position, and by the time they are able to dispatch an officer to that location….it’s most likely that the person would be 15 miles down the road from the location that was pinpointed. My friend cited several other problems in addition that I won’t go into here. But made me realize that not only would this bill make her life hell, but also take valuable time away from real distress calls. Tho it is good in theory, it won’t work in application.

I don’t know if I’m explaining all of this very clearly. But I wanted to make you aware that 911 Operators do not see this bill as something that will aid them in their jobs to help those in distress calling for help. Please send this on, so that maybe we can stop this bill from passing on Tuesday.

Thanks,
Marcy

New Blog to Watch

Here’s an email I received from Kat with a K’s mom, who is starting a new blog. She’s made her first entry and is getting started. It’s not as easy a thing as it sounds putting yourself out here, so go see and be kind.

Am sending you the link for my blog. Not sure I will keep it up, but
thought I would give it a whirl. Mostly I am doing it in an attempt to
keep my writing skills (for what that is worth) up and running. Let me
know what you think good or bad.
Love,
(Kat with a K’s Mom)

http://diatribe101.blogspot.com/

Poor Tall Ed

Tall Ed was so very pathetic Saturday night. If you have to call and beg for an invitation to a party, as Tall Ed did, it’s just sad. As soon as he found out at the Trinkets and Baubles show at the Red Cup that I was headed to Baker St. for a party with the lovely Juliet and the Elastic Cafe crowd (by overhearing a conversation between me and The Gary) he was on the phone to Juliet asking for an invitation. Oh, I know what it’s like to feel pity for someone who protests so loudly and so long that they are cool (never a cool move). And, certainly there are women who are still willing to kiss Kermit, hoping for a prince, only to find Tall Ed is, well, Tall Ed. It’s sad, it really is. I know how hard it is to imagine that a man of his age would still be comparing penis size with all and sundry, just as if he were still 12 years old, but that’s Tall Ed. He even proposed a “contest” between us out loud and in front of people at VZDs the other night. Oh. My. God. I was shocked and amazed by such crass and juvenile behavior, but I really think he just doesn’t “get it” — and I mean both that he doesn’t understand how idiotic that sounded and that he doesn’t seem to “get it” from the women he tries to womanize. How else to explain such behavior?

Ah, well. If you are or have been or expect to be a woman in my life, you can apparently expect Tall Ed to come sniffing around hoping to compete with me. If you’re cool enough to be in that category, you may also have a problem knowing what to do with Tall Ed when he clumsily follows up. So, here’s some help from dating experts about what to do when that happens:

‘Stop hitting on me!’
By Matt Christensen

Facing some unwanted attention? We canvassed single people like you — and dating experts — for their strategies on how to dodge those advances. Plus: 3 signs someone is trying to give you the slip.

So you’re at a bar or party and someone has taken a shine to you. Unfortunately, the feeling isn’t mutual and you want to quickly end the exchange. What to do? Sometimes the truth (“I’m not interested”) is too harsh. Listen in as experts share their advice… and as single people like you reveal the more original ways they’ve given people the slip when conventional methods don’t work. (Caution: Some of these earn points for creativity, not kindness.)

Our panel of expert advisors suggest the following:

Bring things to a quick close. Wait for a tiny break in the banter and then say, “Well, it’s been fun chatting. Please excuse me but I think I see my friend. Have a great night.” Then walk off purposefully to another area out of view. Yes, it’s abrupt, but it gets you out of there. You really don’t need an elaborate excuse.

Introduce him or her to a friend or an acquaintance—then quickly slip away. Granted, it may seem underhanded to pawn off your unwanted goods onto a pal, but who knows? You know the saying: One person’s blow-off, another’s budding relationship…

Say you have a boyfriend or girlfriend. It’s the oldest trick in the book, but there’s a reason it’s withstood the test of time: It’s totally plausible and therefore lets your suitor down easy. Worried that news of your phantom squeeze will deter someone you have your eye on? Don’t worry, news rarely travels that quickly. And even if it does, anyone you flirt up a storm with will take it with a grain of salt.

Grab your cell phone and say, “I totally forgot, I was supposed to call a friend of mine and tell her where the bar/club/party is. Can you excuse me for a sec?” Then you can just drift away and begin circulating again in a minute or so.

How other singles give people the slip

We’re not saying you should try these moves exactly, but they sure do win points for originality…

The undercover cop excuse

“This girl kept hitting on me at a club one time. I wasn’t interested in her, but I didn’t want to be rude. So, I told her I was an undercover cop, and that I had to concentrate on looking for people breaking the law. When she asked to see my badge, I told her that I didn’t want to blow my cover. She persisted, so I told her that if she didn’t leave me alone, I’d have to cite her for obstruction of justice. It worked, and she high-tailed it outta there.” —John South

One sick scheme

“One time I was at a bar and a girl wouldn’t leave me alone. To drive her away, I told her that I had mono, and that she might catch it. She’d been hitting on me all night, but that was enough to get her to stop. I wound up trying to talk to another girl at the bar who asked me, ‘Aren’t you the guy who has mono?’ Turns out the first girl had spilled the beans about my excuse to some other girls. Serves me right, I guess.” —Chris LaFleur

Touchdown!

“Two of my friends had to run interference for me at a party when this girl just wouldn’t leave me alone. It was like we were diagramming a football play: The plan was, my one friend would walk by and get her attention, then my other friend would pretend to be drunk and stumble into her from behind and they would keep her occupied until I was out the door. It worked like a charm. Thank you, NFL.” —Luke Somerville

Pet tricks

“A girl came up to me at a party once; she was cute, but all she talked about was herself, so I wanted to bail. I shuffled around in my pocket and made my phone go off by pressing the “ringer choice” button. Then I picked it up and said, loud enough for her to hear me, ‘My parrot escaped?’ I told her that my roommate called and that there was an emergency at home. I think she was too dumbfounded to argue, which gave me enough time to get out of there.” —Johnny Sember

You snooze, you lose (your suitor, that is)

“A guy started to make a move on me at a bar, but after talking to him for about five minutes, I knew it was going nowhere. So, I pretended to fall asleep for a few seconds. When I ‘woke up’ I explained to him that I was just so tired and had had such a hard week. I’m not sure if he bought it, but after another few ‘quick naps,’ he moved on.” —Jane Dryer

    (Tall Ed! Pay Attention! This part is for YOU!!!)

3 signs someone’s trying to avoid you

Be a more aware dater: Understand the clues that someone just isn’t that into you by heeding these signals.

The person you’re chatting up uses the word “but.” For example: “I’d love to dance, but I’ve got two left feet.” “I appreciate your offer for a drink, but I’m feeling under the weather.” “I’d love to hang, but my friends and I might leave soon.” Never take “but” statements at face value. If this person is interested in you, he or she will dance, drink, and stay for awhile—no ifs, ands, or buts.

The object of your affection doesn’t maintain eye contact. Even if this person is yakking up a storm with you and laughing at all your jokes—if the eyes are elsewhere, the mind is, too (most likely trying to figure out how to get unglued from you, sorry to say).

He or she will answer your questions—but not make inquiries into your own life. Few people will be so rude as to ignore a question asked of them, but if they’re not returning the volley with “so what about you?” or “what do you think?” that’s because they want to cut the conversation short rather than keep it rolling. Stop wasting your breath and head to greener pastures.

Matt Christensen writes for Maxim, among other publications.

Cultural observations

Today is the 25th anniversary of the murder of John Lennon. My my, but it seems like only yesterday that he’d been dead 10 years. It’s an excuse to listen to my Beatles “1” CD and to renew my hatred for yoko for breaking up the band, I guess, but I’m awfully busy hating Bush nowadays and I don’t know exactly when I can work in Yoko. Maybe I can work it in between being worried about R.E.M. losing its religion and my angst over whether the rest of U2 is OK with starvation in Africa. I’m also devastated about the rumors that Brittany Spears’ marriage is breaking up. I may just bury my head in meaningless sex if I can ever get out of the damn house.

Talked awhile to SuzArt on the phone last night and she gave me an abbreviated report on Bob O and he must be OK. I feel badly that I haven’t checked on him myself, but all he needs is this cold I’m carrying.

I have my central heat going, both my bathroom heaters going and a fire in the fireplace and I’m still cold. I’ve been running the dishwasher and the clothes washer and making hot tea to try and get some humidity in the air, but I’m still cold. The thermostat says it’s 70 degrees in here, but even with sweats and a bathrobe, I am freakin’ freezing. My hands and feet and nose are cold. I thought about exercising to get my blood moving, but naaahhh. What I really want to do is to go sit on the equator and have beautiful native girls feed me fruit and bring me spleeves the size of baby’s arms. Too bad there’s no money in that, or i’d have a career. In the alternative, I’d be happy to snuggle up to some Oklahoma woman to get that body heat stuff going and that would help with my whole meaningless sex diversion idea, but that doesn’t seem to be in prospect any more than a trip to the equator. So, I’m just freakin’ cold and I’m still mad at those of you who bitched about the summer weather. Not only is the top up on the Miata, but I don’t feel that it’s smart for me to get out in such a small car when any jerk who hits me is going to have a bigger vehicle. Ban SUVs!!!!

I believe I now hold the North American record for blowing my nose the most often in the shortest span of time. I’ve used up three hankies and two rolls of toilet paper in the past two days. Does anyone know the world record?

Egad, but NPR can get tedious! They try so hard to be dispassionate about highly emotional issues that it just gets … well,…boring.

Enough blogging. I’m going to run up and down the hallway with scizzors and put small objects in my ears and nose. I’ll let you know how that works out for me.

Don't panic

No need for panic.

That loud noise you heard was merely my frozen ass shattering as it hit the ground.

It wasn’t much of an ass anyway, but I’m sure to miss it the next time I want to sit in a non-padded chair.

I'm No Quitter

OK, I’m not proud of it, but I smoked again. I’m not going to just give up, though. I’ll try again starting this weekend or Monday. I just got so darn bored sitting at home with a cold and not being able to go out and talk to anyone and I spent so much time between my own ears. Oh, shit. Just one excuse after another for being a weak and spineless hedonist.

Once more into the breach … Oh, fuck Henry V … I don’t give a damn about Agincourt.

This cold in my head is making it difficult for my right brain to talk to my left brain and the voices are really starting to echo in here.

Looks like I’ll head into these holidays with no woman to share Christmas and no date for New Year’s Eve. No doubt the universe unfolds as it should, but I don’t have to like it.

I’ve discovered that I like cranberry juice heated and spiced with cinnamon. It’s really yummy. So, I’m sitting here with a fire in the fireplace and The Bird blowin’ sweet on the stereo and my hands wrapped around a large mug of heated juice and spice beverage and no one to talk to but the wind. I’d seduce myself if there was any challenge to it.

I’m missing the Wednesday night Paseo dinner and movie due to the inclement weather, by which, of course, I mean this freakin’ winter snowstorm with wind chills in the minus territory. Those of you as**oles who complained about the heat during our relatively mild summer can now just shut the F**K up.

Last night, I felt too bad to read, write or paint, so I watched TV. In fact, I watched more TV last night than I have in years. Boy Howdy! Have I really been missing out! Fascinating and mindblowing things on television nowadays. You-all should be so proud of the time you spend in front of the tube.

Now, I understand completely.

Tyra Banks in Top Model, a reality show about 13 beautiful young women who want to be America’s next Tyra Banks! Yea!!! Followed by Victoria’s Secret show with Tyra doing her last runway model appearance. Historical. Didn’t you just feel the electricity in the air? What a television moment! Up there with Lee Harvey Oswald being shot and the Twin Towers falling down. Iconic. A time and money saving show for me as well. Yes, just think of the time I’ve saved having to survey the local gentlemen’s clubs to find out what the style conscious stripper will be wearing next year. No woman I know would appear even in private in any of the styles being shown on this show because all those sparkly rhinestones and fetishist stuff would just be too damn uncomfortable to wear in real life. And, darlin’, if you do show up in my bedroom wearing undies made of lifesaver candies, you must expect me to laugh my ass off before you get the reaction you seem to be seeking. I wonder how many adolescents taped this show? And Newton Minow thought television was a “vast wasteland” in the middle of the last century. Shows what HE knew.

Is all of television now made of bad reality shows? After Victoria’s Secret, there was “Amazing Race” and “Elimidate” and — endless re-runs of “Frazier”.

“Elimidate” is my all time favorite so far. So f’ing CRUEL!!! I especially like when there’s one guy and three or four women who start calling each other whore and slut. That makes for particularly edifying television experience. Kept me eating popcorn late into the night, by Gosh.

I just learned that the phenomenon of a woman’s thong underwear flashing above the back of her low cut jeans is called “whale tail” or “whaling”. Cute and descriptive. The internet is ALMOST as good as TV.

uhhhhnnnnnhhhh

Ah hab a cowd in ma node. I whanna schmoke. Ahhhhchoooo!!!! Ah chew!! Aaaaaaahhhhhh cheeeeww!!! Ahm coffin alla thyme two. Ah whanna cigaret NOW. AAAAooooonnnnnnkkkkk. Id ertz to blow ma node ‘cuz idz rubbed raw. Ah whanna schmolke. Id sez a snow storm id cummin. Kill me pleeze.

Friday in the world's biggest small town

First and foremost… Yes, Ed, just standing at the door of GSpot at midnight and asking me where I got those Harry Potter glasses can get you mentioned on my blog.

Next… Yes, Privacy Shattered Sharon, sometimes the blog is about nothing more or less than me being a big old gossip; and, thank you for explaining to Raffine’s Thomas what “redoubtable” means.

As I write this, I’m finishing my first 24 hours on the nicotine patch and without the nasty tobacco I love and worship and crave and adore. I feel like having a funeral for my cigarets. boo hoo. I really am being a baby about this, it’s making me want to have a temper tantrum and to throw myself onto my bed weeping. Besides everything else, I’m catching cold.

I’ll buck up and quit whining for a moment to tell about Friday evening.

A goodly number of us, as always, gathered on the Paseo about 5 p.m. for drinks and banter. The smokers were very good about cutting me slack as I was six hours into abstinence at the time. Can’t tell you what we discussed since I was too focused on not smoking, but it seemed congenial. One of the things about this deal is that I’m very restless and can’t stay still or pay attention. I do recall that we got updates on Bob O’s scooter wreck and none of knew until just now that he’d been in the hospital for several days since Thanksgiving. It interrupted his visit from his internet St. Louis girlfriend. Man, what a bummer! Scooter wrecked, arm broken and lovelife thwarted. Triple whammy. Despite my self involvement, one thing no one could ignore was the bright pink furry Ug boots worn by Babs to set off a denim and fur outfit. YIKES!!! We just thought Bob O had the flashiest footwear in town, but we were dead wrong.

We left Galileo’s and went on the Paseo First Friday gallery walk with the especial destination of the SuzArt show across the street at ArtSpice. While the show itself seemed a little disorganized, the only thing that counts with me is the work and SuzArt has some encaustics with Asian (Japanese?) writing collaged on three small blocks that knocked me out. I also liked one oil painting piece in the window and a Lynn Barnett Sparks piece. Three really good pieces in one show is a success for me. The rest of the gallery walk seemed well attended and I think there’s a bit of a critical mass building up to make that First Friday notion a success.

Walking out, we saw our Lebanese friend in hat and bright red lipstick. “You look quite sophisticated,” she was told. “I was born sophisticated,” she replied with a tone that was applauded by part of the group and made others simply groan.

We made our way down to JRB Gallery on Walker, where I liked the deep rust and yellowed cream work “Relinquish” by James Smith and the keyboard and vocals of Heather Nelson providing the ambience. I think Joy Reed is doing a gangbusters job with that gallery.

(I WANT A DAMN CIGARET!!!! AAAARRRRRGGGGGHHHH!!!!)

About 6 or 8 of us went to dinner at Adobe Grill, the best of the hispanic food in town as far as I’m concerned, and cussed and discussed the art and artists and each other with jocularity. The biggest part of the crowd decided on a Friday movie at PennSq, but I had other plans.

I met up with the Elastic Cafe folks in Bricktown. Madness. Utter madness. Hornets game meant that event parking was $10 instead of the usual $5 and the whole of Bricktown was covered up in the usual yahoos plus the sports yahoos. What was I thinking? Things got worse from there. We were supposed to meet at Toby Keith’s for dinner at 8:30 p.m., but that didn’t happen. There was some kind of mixup about getting a table for 30 (?!?), so the lovely Juliet changed plans and decided to have dinner at Spaghetti Warehouse and just drinks later at Toby Keith’s, but not everybody got her text messages and the 30 invitees from Elastic Cafe were strung out all over the place and no one got it right blahblahblogblah!!! Lots of interesting people anyway. I enjoyed Esther, the model and medical student — it doesn’t seem fair that one woman could be beautiful enough to model and be smart enough to be a doctor, but there you have it, all in one horse riding package. Also met an interesting woman who made sure I knew she was married (LOL) who tried to help me stop being so wound up over smoking by doing a little accupressure on my left palm. Later, I’d meet an aromatherapist and masseusse who covered me in some unguent oil (I had to smear some on my belly button fer goodness sake) that was supposed to calm me. Maybe it did, but it was hard to tell since I was surrounded by models and being rubbed, kissed and taken out to the floor dancing. The Wise Guys were the band at Toby Keith’s and I know some of the guys, even practiced law with one of them. The band was fronted by Randy, the Norman Nobody/Edmond Somebody, and he’s one of Elastic Cafe’s models and the reason we were there. Did I mention that I thought the bar itself was crap? Just me, I suppose, but it’s a big barn of a place and I kind of just don’t get it.

I struggled to get out of Bricktown about midnight and went to the Paseo, where I saw Ed at the door of the G Spot. El Matador was playing. Interesting contrast with The Wise Guys. Wise Guys were doing a lot of Beatles covers and El Matador was doing covers of Sting and The Police. Much more intimate crowd than Bricktown and I like being able to walk in and be known and have “my” drink waiting for me without asking. Went next door to Isis and saw my hero, MH, in his black leather jacket being cool; Christian the bartender and Latin teacher who, as usual, was with a gorgeous woman (she was so good looking that I couldn’t hear Christian tell me her name; I was enchanted); and Jasmine (no, not THAT Jasmine, another Jasmine) who was having her 22d birthday. Craig was lighting chunks of flavored tobacco for the waterpipes and the mood and flow was aces. However, I was feeling worse and worse with this cold and, again, restless without cigarets around the tobacco users, and went home alone around 1 a.m.

My patch is itching my left arm and I WANT A CIGARET!!!!!!!!! I’m quitting here for now.

G’nite and Sweet Dreams

going where the day (or night) takes you

I think I’m catching cold. It’s God’s punishment for trying to stop smoking. Or his encouragement, I’m not exactly sure.

Anyway, I took yesterday off because I just didn’t feel like it.

Mostly, I lolled around and napped and listened to music and such.

About 5 p.m., got a call to go to coffee at Will’s on Western and how could I resist that? It wasn’t like I had lots of appointments, things to do, people to sue and lives to ruin. I was doing nothing. So, I went.

One thing led to another and it ended being a perfectly lovely evening.

We had dinner at Sushi Neko. After all, it was right next door. Miso soup followed by Negi Maki (I insisted my companion have some warm saki to go with that) and a finish of a couple of sushi favorites, smoked trout and crab. YUM!!!

From there to the champagne special at Roccoco on Thursday night. I’m of the opinion that Eric, behind the bar there, is the best in town. Seems like a really great guy and very attentive. A couple of flutes later, I found myself kissing in public. Always a good move, I think. Makes everyone around you so at ease. Saw the redoubtable Thomas of Raffine there, again without his ballcap. WTF?!? He was speaking to two, count ‘em 2, gorgeous blonde women (Nicole and Paula maybe? He introduced me, but I was otherwise occupied in liplocks at the time). Meanwhile, there’s a jazz combo there on Thursdays and it was absolutely perfect. The music provided ambience without being intrusive, but if you listened, it was pretty darn good. THAT’S what I’m talking about, as they say.

Missed the usual crush of boy meets girl at Flip’s on Thursday night and didn’t even come close to the faux sophistication of bin 73, but it somehow seemed perfectly all right.

Coffee for a nightcap and early to bed and early to rise. All in all a lovely evening for me.

On the downside, I woke up this morning coughing with a tight chest and feeling like I’d been the one drinking. Must have rubbed off. Can you get drunk by kissing someone who is drinking? Sweet mystery of life… .

Read this a.m. that Wes Lane’s wife is in trouble with her probation for prescription drugs. Don’t usually feel sorry for right wing Repugs, but I feel sorry for Wes (who I don’t know). It’s a bad deal. Hurt politically. Put in a bad place on the job. Worst of all, the problems at home dealing with addiction of a loved one.

Wonder if someone somewhere sometime will get the idea that the War on Drugs is a failed public policy. If the guy who uses crack and the girl who smokes pot goes to jail, no questions asked, why does a doctor who is the spouse of our DA get a walk when she prescibes herself painkillers? Why is crack cocaine for poor people so much worse than powdered cocaine for rich folks? Aren’t we bringing the law and the justice system into disrepute with these glaring inequities? Since it costs $15,000 to provide therapy to a drug user and $30,000 a year to lock them up, why are we building so many prisons and not more rehab centers? The War on Drugs started in the Nixon administration and politicians ever since have been more and more populist in their appeals to get tough on drugs. What have we accomplished? More drugs on the street, worse drugs on the street and more vicious thugs selling drugs on the street. Why is America the drug capital of the world? Why is our problem so much bigger than the problem in Europe or industrialized Asia? Could the difference be that we have the War on Drugs and they don’t? Drugs kill more people in America than all the terrorists in the whole world. The War on Drugs has cost you and me — even if you didn’t inhale back in the 60s — significant Fourth and Fifth Amendment freedoms. Of course, the War on Terror has dwarfed that loss of our freedoms via the Patriot Act and seems to be just as effective in making America seem stupid, but that’s another story altogether.

Anyway, I feel for Wes Lane personally. He’s got a codependency problem and a political problem and that’s tough. Politically, he’s hoist on his own petard and I think he has no choice but to send his doctor wife up the river. Maybe he can watch Bogart as Sam Spade telling Mary Astor she’s the one that has to go to jail, to take the fall for killing his partner. Live by the sword, Wes, and you die by the sword. That’s the rule. Oh, how that karmic wheel does turn.