I’ve got my laptop back!  It’s all revved up with a new battery that frees me from the power cord and I’ve jumped from 256Mg of memory to a gig. 

I have this theory that processor speed and memory are to this age what horsepower and fins were to men in the 50s.  Geeks endlessly compare operating systems and hardware.  In the end, though, it’s all a sex thing.  The teen boys of my youth thought that fast and stylized cars would get them the hot babes just like geeks think better computers will get them more porn downloads when offline.  Both wrong, but both with comforting thoughts for the incessantly masturbatory.

I’m Freudian about a lot of things, though.  I have a very elaborate theory that Republican politics is all about repressed sex.  Welfare becomes an issue about black women having babies; abortion is about young girls having sex; gun control is about the phallic symbolism of gun barrels; and so forth. 

Materialism, the root of MCARP’s diatribe about malls over on 3:40 a.m., is about getting laid.  I’ve even been known to quip — ruefully — that $30 million will make me much more handsome.  Goofballs get the idea that women are drawn to financially successful men.  ( Where would they get that idea?  Cootie-covered girls, of course. )  How else to better show one’s evolutionary success than by ostentatious display of wealth?  Big car, flashy clothes, big house, blah blah and bagatele.  Yet, when it comes to the relationships that women SAY they really want, how good is it to be married to a guy who’s married to his job so that he can keep generating the goods?  If, by “success”, what we mean is an evolved male who can share his emotions, then the financial pinnacle seems the least likely place to look.  How, though, can a man show he is an evolved human without some display of some kind of material goods?  Do I show I’m all warm and cuddly by wearing  hemp vests?  Are my environmental concerns adequate if I have a $3 bumper sticker on my $30,000 Volvo (“vulva” sounding name for a substitute penis)?

So, I want all the hot internet babes to know I’ve got a convertible, a nice house, a few bagateles, that I’m all about therapy and couples counseling and, by the way, I’ve got a hot laptop with a gig of RAM and a new battery so I can go wireless at the Red Cup where I hang out with all the other evolved people who are concerned about the environment and buy “fair trade” coffee and all that.